TRIUMPH OF THE WILLS
Talking with Will Ferrell and Will Arnett of Semi-Pro
By Robert Newton

There is an episode from the tenth season of Mike Judge’s “King of the Hill” in which Texas ‘tweener Bobby Hill learns he has a knack for making people laugh. In order to prevent the boy from cutting up so much in school, his folks enroll him in a clowning class at a local community college. The pretentious instructor proceeds to take all the fun out of what should otherwise be a delightful pursuit. Watching the kid bomb at his graduation performance is painful, and the episode serves as an all-too-familiar reminder to many comedians that staying grounded is key in staying funny.

Will Ferrell has never taken a course like that, and thank goodness.
The former “SNL” superstar spent all of February on the road, promoting his new basketball comedy Semi-Pro on his FunnyOrDie.com Comedy Tour (with Nick Swardson, Demetri Martin and Zach Galifianakis), stopping at key colleges (and Radio City Music Hall) and selling out every one. The movie is set in the ‘70s, and is about a self-styled one-hit wonder named Jackie Moon (Ferrell), who invests the riches earned from his single “Love Me Sexy” and buys the Flint (Michigan) Tropics, a fictional basketball team in the very real American Basketball Association (ABA). Jackie is also a player coach, and his crazy schemes to put butts in seats amp up when he learns that the NBA is going to absorb the ABA – but only four teams. Thus, the quest for fourth place begins.

While Ferrell, co-star Will Arnett (the doofus magician Gob Bluth on “Arrested Development”) and company were at Boston College for their show at the Conte Forum, a dozen or so college writers assembled – many having their first interview with someone like Ferrell. I, however, who will be 40 on my next birthday, felt like the narc at the NORML rally, the one of these things on “Sesame Street” that is not like the other. I sit back and thaw out from the freezing rain outside and let the kids run the show, quietly hoping that the whole thing doesn’t turn into that Chris Farley sketch where the best he could come up with for questions when interviewing an historic personage was a knob-waxing, “Do you remember that time in that movie when you…?”

Will Arnett: Did you guys ride together, the Harvard People?

Harvard People: No, no we rode separately. We –

WA: Do you not care about the environment?

[Uncomfortable silence, as everyone tries to work out whether or not Arnett is being serious.]

Will Ferrell: So, there’s a lot of tension at the table. That’s okay, we’ll work it out. So, questions or not? Or do we just –

WA: I think you need to make a statement.

WF: Okay. Uh… when I walked into this building, I knew history was about to be made. And…

Young Journalist #1: So, Will Ferrell, why, uh, the ‘70s theme? Why, uh. You’ve got, uh, a lot of films with the seventies theme, what uh, can you personally relate to, why, uh, do you find so much comedy in the ‘70s?

WF: Um… Are there many though? Anchorman, right?

YJ #1: Right.

WF: And any other ‘70s films?

YJ #1: Well, more than one…

WF: Alright. So that’s many. Very loosely, technically speaking. So it’s more of a byproduct of the fact that the movie is about the ABA, and that league was in the ‘70s. Even though the ‘70s are intrinsically funny, I think, just because it’s so foreign to us now, that people actually looked, dressed, had different attitudes – that we just don’t have any of that any more. So I think that that’s just funny to comment on. But –

[The cell phone of another young writer who didn’t bother to silence his cell phone beeps.]

WF (feigning offense): – was that… a device? [a beat] But yeah, I haven’t done a thousand ‘70s movies.

Young Writer Who Didn’t Bother To Silence His Cell Phone: It’s gonna beep again…

[The device beeps again.]

YWWDBTSHCP: Alright… sorry.

WF: That’s okay. I find it relaxing.

Young Journalist #2, Who Asks A Really Good Question – No, A Fantastic Question: What challenges or advantages do you find in long form comedy, like Semi-Pro, that you don’t find in short form, like the stuff you do on FunnyOrDie.com?

WF: Wow.

WA: That’s a really good question. That’s a fantastic question.

WF: That’s a really good, yeah, a really good question. That was one I was not prepared for at all. Uh… shit! Well, you know the stuff for FunnyOrDie.com is just so disposable; we don’t think about it too much. We just kind of film it and if it works, it works. If it doesn’t, it’s pulled off the site, and there’s a no-harm, no-foul kind of feel to it. And movies, you have to hopefully sustain someone’s interest for 90 minutes, and we try to hedge our bets by shooting as many options, by improvising a lot, so that when you’re in the editing room, you aren’t nailed down to the actual script. And you try to take advantage of the cast, and that’s why you cast people like Will Arnett, and uh –

WA: What? Why do you say that so begrudgingly? What?

WF: – and uh –

WA: And by the way, the operative term there is “take advantage of”…

WF: Yeah, but that’s why we try to have this great ensemble of people who are comfortable with improvising and hopefully that leads to a great product in the end.

Young Writer #3 (Who Asks The Same Question Twice): How do you guys keep the sports comedy fresh, especially one about the failing team that needs to make a comeback, because that’s been done many times?

WF: Right…

YW #3 (WATSQT): I just want to know what you guys thought, because you knew going in that this seems like a plot that’s seen a lot; how do you keep that fresh?

WF: Well, Arnett, you took me aside and said, “This is not fresh.”

WA: The first day I walked onto the set, it stunk.

WF: It literally was not fresh in the building.

WA: I said, “It smells like Major League in here.”

WF: With a touch of Tin Cup…

WA: Everyone loves the come-from-behind kind of underdog story. And sports is full of that, right?

WF: And I think it’s a, well obviously it’s in that story line, but I think there is a guilty pleasure in the story. And I think there is a little, I mean the thing that is, I guess our little comment on it, is that this is about the game for fourth place. It’s not –

WA: It’s not to win at all.

WF: It’s not to win at all, this game is literally for fourth place. And they find out that it won’t matter anyway, and they still play the game. So there’s a little bit of a twist there.

WA: And a lesson.

WF: And a lesson – like don’t try to shoot too high.

WA: Yeah, yeah: keep the bar low.

WF: Just settle for fourth.

WorcesterMovies: Why Flint? Is Flint inherently funny, or…?

WF: Unfortunately to the people in Flint, yes it is. I think that it is and that it was a great backdrop for this team. Obviously, they play against the Tropics, who probably were, you’d have to assume, first from Florida or somewhere, and they moved to Flint. It was also very characteristic of the type of the markets they had in the ABA, because they had teams in some of the major markets, but they also had teams like the Kentucky Colonels the Virginia Squires, like what? Like what, like where…? Like before the proliferation of, of now we have like 32 teams of baseball and teams are in markets that, it’s expanded a lot, but then they really, they were these really obscure places, it made kind of comedic sense.

WorcesterMovies: There was no temptation to put a young Michael Moore [whose 1989 debut, Roger & Me, was set in his native Flint] in this movie?

WA [to Ferrell]: You pushed for it…

WF: I did. I pushed hard.

WA: You think he’s a better actor than people give him credit for.

WF: I do. I think he gets unfairly criticized for his acting. But the irony, actually, is Kent Alterman, who directed, who used to work on Michael Moore’s show, “TV Nation,” actually keeps in touch with him. And I guess Michael was excited we were actually mentioning Flint. So that’s kind of cool.

Young Writer #5 [Who May Or May Not Have Been Fed This Question By Studio Brass]: Was that your own hair?

WF: That was. That was six months of focusing on hair growth. And I did it. A lot of people said it couldn’t be done.

WA: I don’t think anyone really had an opinion on it.

WF: No, there was a lot of blogging going on. Yeah, people like, “Can he grow it out? I don’t know…”

WA: A lot of chattering? What?

WF: There was a lot of chatter.

WA: Huh…

WF: Yeah, I was monitoring it all.

WA: Was it your own chatter?

WF: It was –

WA: Under different e-mail accounts?

WF [a beat]: I would start a lot of it.

WA (imitating Will Ferrell): Hey gang!

WF: I mean, I have over a hundred email, uh…surnames. So I will constitute a lot of my own chatter.

WA: Well, that seems like, unfair.

WF: I affect a lot of polls, things like that.

WA: Hang on a second. [Pretends to answer a cell phone on the table.]

Young Writer #6: Is there a time when, uh, early in your career, either of you just completely bombed on stage? And what was that like?

WF (to Arnett): You got a lot of these. Right?

WA: I do have a ton of them – I built a house built on bombs. No, I didn’t come up through a traditional comedic background; I wasn’t a stand up or a sketch performer, so I bombed in straight theatre and in really crappy plays a lot. You aren’t waiting for laughter usually anyways, so silence is kind of… So I was kind of lucky in that sense.

WF: I tried stand up for about a year, and ended up going into sketch, but the first time I actually got up in front of a crowd, I had like guys playing pool in the background, a hockey game on back in the corner, maybe ten people. I spoke so fast, and all the moisture left my mouth. So that my upper lip was sticking to my teeth. I kept having to do this all the time [runs tongue across teeth], and my Mom was in the audience. And I’m like, “How do you think it went?” and she said, “It was good, but you have a bad tic. You keep doing this [another imitation].” I was like, “Oh, no, it was because I had no moisture in my mouth.” So that happened to me.

WA: He had surgery to correct that –

WF: I had surgery to correct that. I had my lip replaced. This is Teflon. It’s a Teflon material. It’s actually bulletproof, so if I were ever shot in this region, I’d be fine.

WorcesterMovies [to Arnett]: So what’s all this about an “Arrested Development” movie?

WF: Ooh, juicy!

WA: [picks up several recorders like microphones] Umm, you know there’s been – [Laughs and puts them down.] Yeah, we’ve been talking about it over the last couple of months. We haven’t been on the air for two years, so I think for the first year we didn’t really talk about much of anything. We didn’t talk to each other, nobody got along. And then in the last six months, people started talking about it. I just think it’s a matter of [series creator] Mitch Hurwitz getting an idea that he’s comfortable with, or getting a script that he feels like he’s ready to shoot, but it is something we are talking about doing, yeah.

Young Writer #7 (to Arnett): Any serious dramatic roles? I know you had a brief stint on “The Sopranos”…

WA: Yeah, thanks.

Young Writer #4: And “Law & Order.”

WF: “Law & Order” too?

WA: “SVU.”

WF: Oh, “SVU…”

WA: You probably didn’t notice because I bury myself in my characters, and um, people are always, they obviously think I’m Oscar-hunting all the time because of some of the roles I choose.

WF: Sure.

WA: And the world is waiting with bated breath. [Laughs.] I don’t know, maybe. I’d think about it. Southie 2, I’m looking to do that. That’s, that’s in the works. [But not really.]

WF: Southie 2.

WA: You’re a big fan of Southie 2?

WF: I would finance that myself.

WA: You would?

WF: Out of my own pocket, for you to get that going. That’d be a dream.

Young Writer #8 (Who Doesn’t Realize That You’re Only Allowed To Use The Word ‘Zany’ To Describe A Ben Stiller Role): And you too, Mr. Ferrell. When Stranger Than Fiction came out, people were afraid that you were done with zany characters, but you weren’t. Are you planning on going back to those more subtle characters any time soon?

WF: Uh, yeah. I would like to do more of that, I haven’t really had any more offers. So, uh, apparently that’s what they think of me, so.

YW #8 (WDRTYOATUTHZTDABSR): What about Woody Allen?

WF: Woody Allen?

YW #8: Yeah. Melinda and Melinda.

WF: Oh, yeah yeah yeah. That was pretty cool. That stuff is fun to do. And I’d love to do more of it. But there’s no imminent plans for future projects like that.

WA: You did an episode for a CBS drama too.

WF: Yeah, yeah.

YW #9: “The Guardian.”

WF: No, I didn’t do “The Guardian.”

WA: You didn’t?

WF: No, no –

WA: There’s been a lot of rumor. Different actor?

WF: A different actor. I thought you were going to bring up “The Ghost Whisperer.”

WA: Oh really?

WF: Yeah, I was in “The Ghost Whisperer.” I did six episodes. [But not really.]

WA (laughing): No way!

WF: Well, I was a ghost who, I kept coming back to Jennifer and I was like, “I forgot what you said, what should I do?” and, “Okay, right right – that will put me at rest. Oh yeah, one more thing – “

WA: It sounds like you were really forgetful.

WF: A really restless, really forgetful spirit.

WorcesterMovies: Always coming back when she was in the shower, too…

WF: Somehow yeah, that’s when I usually appeared, yeah.

Young Writer #10: You did a Roger Corman movie earlier…

WF: Yeah, yeah. When I was at [L.A. improv troupe] The Groundlings, this guy, if you watch “MAD-TV” at all, this guy Mike McDonald was on TV. He had a directing deal when he was still at The Groundlings, and he cast a bunch of us in this film [1995’s A Bucket Of Blood, aka The Death Artist] and the star of it was Anthony Michael Hall. That was actually the last time I had this huge fro, I was like this weird art guy at this gallery.

Young Writer #11: Is “Love Me Sexy” going to hit the number one?

WF: From what information I’m getting from ASCAP and BMI, it’s looking like it’s going to break all records. That’s the initial pre-ordering and –

YW #11: How many of those were yours? Of those pre-orders.

WF: It’s probably going to go double platinum. Well, yeah, a lot of those orders were from my one hundred email aliases, so it’s in the hole now.

WA: A substantial amount, but that’s how you’ve got to start –

WF: That’s how you’ve got to get the ball rolling, everyone likes a frontrunner.

WA: It’s good business.

WF: So hopefully that will spur more business that will help me pay off what I bought initially.

Young Writer #12: I want to ask about your Heidi Klum photo shoot with Sports Illustrated.

WF: Yes.

YW #12: Whose idea was that?

WF: That was uh, I don’t know if that was Sports Illustrated coming to New Line or if New Line in conjunction with the promotion of the movie had that idea, I’m not sure. But it was the studio and the magazine kind of working together. But I think Jackie Moon is the first male ever to be in a swimsuit edition.

[The rep from the agency promoting Semi-Pro enters to end the interview. A starstruck young writer asks Ferrell for an autograph…for his brother, of course. I mention to Arnett how I met his wife Amy Poehler’s very proud father, Bill, on line at the movies in Woburn. As we walk out the long and winding hallways, half expecting to run into Spinal Tap lost under the auditorium, I quietly wonder how many of the two Wills’ not-serious answers are going to enter the record as fact while hoping that the kids I walk out with think that maybe I’m a grad student or something, and not some creepy old guy that the girls who work at Hot Topic completely ignore now.]•••

A special thank-you to Rebecca Schuetz at Harvard, who not only came through with an audio file of the entire interview after one of the Wills accidentally shut my voice recorder off while using it as a prop, but also for meticulously transcribing every ‘umm,’ ‘uhh’ and ‘yeah.’